A Retirement Plan for Empaths
For those of us who identify as empaths, it can feel like something that happens to us—like the moment we step into a room, we become the emotions around us. We don’t just sense feelings; we absorb them, sometimes so seamlessly that we don’t even notice it’s happening. It doesn't feel like a choice—it just is.
But what if it was a choice we can make, moment to moment to stay connected with ourselves?
What if empath-ing was about giving and giving was wanting all to be well—including ourselves?
This shift is subtle but powerful. It means that instead of merging, we witness. Instead of absorbing, we be with. And then we bring our awareness back to ourselves—our own breath, our own energy, our own experience in that moment. We don't actually do anything "for" others (people, places, things). Well then how is that giving? The real question is: what do we think we are giving and how?
Stay with me my little empaths with your big, fat, bleeding hearts...
What happens when we are connected to our own breath and our own experiencing? We are in our essence. We are not adjusting, healing, fixing, we are not even transmuting.
We are not doing anything. We just are.
And that sends a signal to the other, to match us rather than the other way around. Not in trying to mimic who we are at an identity level - but their mirror neurons are saying oh that's how slow your breath, that's how you set a boundary, that's how you feel safe to be yourself, that it's safe to be themselves. It's safe to have whatever feelings are coming up. It's safe to be heavy, sad, uncomfortable, awkward a.f., whatever. This person isn't trying to change me, they aren't judging me or my experience. And that's really at the heart of this.
Somewhere even at a subtle level there is a judgement that things should be different, and nothing heals or transmutes from this space.
Staying connected to yourself can be easier said than done. Notice how empaths can be amazing at work and shit house at life?
This is because when we were little people empaths, we may have had to use our superpowers for survival, instead of for making sense of the world. And the sense we did make of the world was that everything we were feeling around us...was us.
Rather than learning to create beautiful realities based on interconnectedness and reciprocity. Rather than spending more time receiving reflections and information from nature and unity consciousness - we received reflections of duality and separation.
So it's understandable that, as a community, most of us like to spend time floating around anywhere but here (our bodies...or if you've really had a gut full...Earth!)
Staying connected to yourself and not what's around you might feel...
For some, unfamiliar, even unsafe. Maybe your sensitivity began as hypervigilance—a way to anticipate shifts in mood, conflict, or chaos. If that’s you, turning inward might feel like stepping into unknown territory. But the safest place for you now isn’t out there—it’s within you.
For others, maybe empathy has become your identity, your work, your service. But sensitivity doesn’t disappear when you stop carrying everything—it just transforms. It becomes clearer. Stronger. More intentional.
Some might fear they’ll lose their gifting—that if they stop absorbing, they won’t feel as connected. But true connection isn’t about merging—it’s about presence. And presence is strongest when you are fully in yourself, rather than outside of yourself.
So maybe it’s time to retire. Not from feeling. Not from caring. But from the endless work of holding what was never yours to carry.
I have a dream...it's not as profound as Martin Luther but a dream all the same. All of us sensitive little beans sitting in pool donuts, sipping coconut water with tiny umbrellas, the sun warming our skin, cups full, being with our own feelings and free to be the goddamn planetary change makers we came here to be...just by being our epic sensitive selves.
