Unveiling the Magic of Attachment Play: A Guide to Healing Through Playful Connection
Children connect, understand, learn and heal through their innate abilities to laugh and play. Attachment Play taps into these innate ways of being by helping children heal from past experiences, prepare for new challenges, and express emotions.
Children express these emotions in various ways—through laughter, tears, or tantrums. Laughter, in particular, serves as a cathartic release for feelings like fear, anxiety, frustration, and powerlessness. The key to healing is ensuring that children feel connected with a trusted adult during these expressions.
9 Types of Attachment Play
Attachment Play unfolds through nine distinct categories, each serving a unique therapeutic purpose:
Power-Reversal Games: Release feelings of powerlessness. For instance, pretending to be knocked over when pushing a toddler on a swing allows the child to release feelings of not having autonomy.
Nonsense Games: Allow expression of competence-related feelings. Parents can engage in playful antics like pretending socks go on the head during dressing to help children release feelings around competency.
Separation Games: Aid in processing emotions related to separation. Classic games like peek-a-boo or hide-and-seek help children understand and process the concept of separation.
Contingency Games: Foster understanding of cause and effect. Simple games that showcase consequences, such as if-then scenarios, contribute to a child's understanding of cause and effect.
Physical Contact Games: Promote physical connection. Rough-and-tumble play or gentle physical interactions help strengthen the physical bond between parents and children.
Non-Directed Child-Centered Play: Offer children autonomy in play. Allowing children to lead the play, choose activities, and express themselves freely helps fulfill their need for autonomy.
Regression Play: Allow a return to earlier developmental stages. Engaging in activities that allow children to regress momentarily, provides an avenue for emotional release.
Cooperative Games: Encourage collaboration and teamwork. Games that involve working together towards a common goal promote cooperation and teamwork.
Symbolic Play: Use symbols or objects to represent real-life situations. Playing dentist with teddy bears after a dental visit, for example, allows children to process and overcome specific fears symbolically.
Each category becomes a tool in the parent's therapeutic toolbox, to be used preventatively, in challenging moments, and strategically to help children navigate various emotional landscapes.
Attachment Play not only benefits children but also becomes a source of healing for parents. Parenthood, with its demands and challenges, can lead to frustration and unmet needs for choice and autonomy. By infusing laughter and silliness into parenting, adults release their own frustrations, returning to a natural state of loving connection.
In challenging moments, Attachment Play becomes a means of repair. Power-reversal games, in particular, help mend connections after regrettable actions. By incorporating laughter into moments of frustration, parents release pent-up emotions without frightening their children.
Listening to Feelings
Not every game is a guaranteed source of joy for every child. If laughter is elusive, it's time to switch gears.
Perhaps tears are close to the surface for our child, and if that's the case, or if a child is already in tears, I wouldn't suggest laughter-inducing games. In such situations, the most respectful and caring approach is to ensure there are no immediate issues (like removing the dog from your son's leg) and then attentively listen to the tears. Laughter and tears serve different emotional purposes and aren't interchangeable.
In the realm of therapeutic play, it's crucial to recognize that after engaging in these activities, our child may unexpectedly burst into tears over something seemingly trivial. The essence of laughter and connection lies in establishing emotional security, paving the way for the expression of more profound and significant emotions. It's akin to sharing a meal with your partner and then finding yourselves in a heated argument. Similarly, during family holidays, the presence of numerous attentive adults and a playful atmosphere can provide children with the safety they need to release pent-up emotions, allowing them to cry and vent frustrations they may have been holding in.
Attachment Play emerges as a powerful and transformative approach that fosters deep connections within families. By infusing more laughter, play, and fun into our lives, we create an environment where healing becomes a shared journey. Let's embrace Attachment Play as a key to unlocking joy, connection, and healing in our families. It's time to play more, laugh more, and have more fun!
